The lives of students and parents alike has changed now that millions of students have had to return home due to the coronavirus pandemic.
For better or for worse when students go to college and leave home they go through many changes.
They no longer have their parents watching their every move and have the opportunity to explore without the consequences that living at home would have.
Not surprisingly, many students grow and change with their newfound freedom as they develop lifestyles that work for them without the rules and restrictions of their parents.
For some students this means getting away from an unstable home or a home that is not conducive to education.
For others this means partying for the first time now that their parents aren’t watching.
Either way there is bound to be contention between parents and their students when the students have to come home.
A UC Irvine student named Brian Le recently had to return home from college due to the outbreak.
“It has definitely been lonely,” Le said. “But now that school has started I’ve been able to keep myself busy.”
“It’s just my dad and I at the house so there isn’t much in the way of family time,’ Le said. “I’m not visiting the rest of my family because I don’t want to get anyone sick.”
Prior to coronavirus Le would visit his mom, stepdad and sister when he came home from college.
“Since it’s just us two we keep to ourselves and don’t really bother each other,” Le said. “I actually had more issues with my old college roommates because I was the only one that kept the apartment clean.”
“I really do miss college,” Le said. “It was much easier to keep myself busy with all the clubs and being up and about.”
College provided students with many activities to keep busy with on top of school itself.
“Now it’s just way too easy to spend all lying in bed on my phone,” Le said. “There have definitely been some times where I have spent the whole day in bed.”
“Due to that feeling of wanting to spend all day in bed it can be really hard to study and be productive,” Le said. “But the days I don’t spend all day in bed are quite productive for me.”
“Even though we’re in the same house we don’t spend that much time together,” Le said. “The only time we’ll spend together is when we occasionally cook together.”
Many other parents and students are now forced to spend the majority of their time with each other now that many states have ordered a shelter in place.
Many of the students that had to move home found it stressful due to how last minute the decisions were.
A University of Illinois student attending school in Urbana Champaign named Jordan Machalek had to abruptly move back home to California due to the coronavirus.
“Having to move out so quickly was extremely stressful,” Machalek said. “I had to figure out how to move from Illinois to California in a matter of days.”
Many students developed habits with alcohol and marijuana while at college.
A study in Addictive Behaviors: An International Journal found that parents often underestimate how much their students drink when they go off to college.
The journal also said that parents also overestimate how much other parents are okay with their students drinking.
“For the most part my parents know how much I drink,” Machalek said. “I tone it down when I’m home but it helps that it’s just my dad and I here.”
Parents often don’t talk to their children about drinking in college and may be surprised to see their students drinking when they come home.
This could be especially prevalent if a student were to turn 21 in college and then come home.
Their parents would see them legally drinking and buying their own alcohol for the first time and see the drinking habits their children may have developed.
Saahil Rai was a student at Cosumnes River College who was living near the school when he suddenly had to move home.
“When I came home my mom and I had to have a talk about how much marijuana I was smoking,” Rai said. “Then to compensate I switched over to drinking but looking back on it now I don’t know why I thought that was better.”
“The downside with drinking was that my mom then had to have the same conversation with me about drinking,” Rai said. “So now I’ve dialed everything back a bit so they can sleep a little better at night.”
This is one possible outcome that could lead to a point of contention inside of a household between returning college students and parents.
Another issue could be chores.
In college students were able to do what they wanted when they wanted whereas at home they’ll likely have parents telling them what to do.
This could lead to power struggles inside households as parents may try and maintain similar authority that they had prior to their students leaving for college.
For example college students often have irregular sleep schedules and often go to bed at somewhat unreasonable hours of the night and wake up in the late afternoon.
When they return home their parents may not approve of this and try to get their students to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier.
“My step dad and I would clash about how late I’d wake up,” Rai said. “He’d tell me how people that want to do things with their lives don’t get up at noon.”
“I’d kind of just brush it off and say alright,” Rai said. “But then my mom would ask if I’m even trying to get up earlier and I’d have to tell her no.”
To do this parents may try to incorporate disciplinary measures that worked before their students left for college.
After being used to their newfound independence the idea of a power struggle is not unlikely.
Students could have been living on their own for a number of years and not be used to living with a parental figure anymore.
Now they have to live with being told what to do not only at work and at school but also at home.
After coming from a place of independence this can lead to frustrations which could cause them to fight back.
Christine Nguyen is a student at UC Santa Barbara who decided to stay in the college town.
“The things I have to do at school and at home are similar,” Nguyen said. “But even though they are the same it’s nice to not have someone nag you to do it.”
There are also many students that would be happy to come home and see their families.
A scientific journal called The Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that siblings actually grew closer after they left the home and went to college.
This could be due to lower competition for resources and affection in the household.
While this is not necessarily about parents it is an indicator that not being in constant close proximity to family reduces conflict.
This leads to a theory that students may have actually grown closer to their parents through the distance and be excited to see their parents.
“Being home itself has actually been quite easy since I have less to worry about here,” Machalek said. “I don’t have to worry about getting to work or class on time.”
Students said that they knew something was going to happen with the pandemic but did not expect it to affect them so soon.
“Honestly, all of the moving around has just been hectic,” Rai said. “We saw the direction the world was going in, but I didn’t expect it to go downhill so fast.”
While facing a pandemic many parents and students alike have been trying to make the best of the situation and stay productive.
“It has strangely been good in a productive sense,” Rai said. “There were things I had to do at home that I had been ignoring and now there are no excuses.”
“But while it is productive it’s also very suffocating,” Rai said. “I’m stuck in the same vicinity with people that I love and I’m not used to that.”
It is possible that students could be close with their parents at the beginning of their return home but with the constant close proximity grow further apart similar to prior to leaving for college.
“When this first started my family got into a huge fight,” Rai said. “We were all at home but my mom was still the only one doing housework even though she also worked.”
“Eventually she expectedly blew up,” Rai said. “Thinking about it now we were all being a terrible family.”
Now the family has learned to coexist together.
For Saahil’s family the coronavirus outbreak has brought flaws in his family to the surface that previously no one talked about.
“I’d definitely say my relationship with my mom is stronger than it was before I was living here,” Rai said. “We’re able to just really connect now and I appreciate her for everything she has done for me.”
Brian tried to take a more positive mindset
“A lot of people have it harder than I do so I try not to think about it too much,” Le said. “I’m lucky that I have somewhere to come home to.”
Other students may come from unstable homes and could face many challenges due to that.
For example students may live in homes where the parents allow loud guests over regularly even during the shelter in place.
Universities provide resources such as libraries so students can have access to quiet places to study.
Due to the shelter in place students are unable to leave their homes and find a quiet place to study which could cause a decline in grades.
“I usually go to the school library to study and work,” Nguyen said. “The library was a huge resource I took advantage of and now I have nowhere quiet to study.”
Without the resources that universities provide in-person many students are now faced with a difficult task of having to relocate home.
Like Christine many students are choosing to stay living in their college towns instead of moving home with their parents.
“I have to pay rent anyway so I figured I may as well stay in the house I’m living in,” Nguyen said. “I keep a lot of my habits and lifestyle to myself so my parents don’t see how I’ve changed.”
Parents are also facing issues now that their children have returned home.
Parents often forget that their children continue to grow and change once they have left the house and have similar expectations of when their children were in high school.
“As of now my parents treat me like an adult,” Rai said. “When I first moved back there was an adjustment that needed to be made.”
They might expect their children to obey them as before even though their children have become adults and lived their own lives for some time now.
While the coronavirus situation is ongoing and has left many parents and students frustrated it has also allowed some families to reconnect.
Antonio Carrillo 100W 